The party started and I wasn't ready yet. Now the guests have stayed for fifteen years and I'm done hosting. I need to tend to my garden and rest. I want to sit and read a book in a clean room with the sun streaming in and not a task in mind. Hosting is exhausting and it's fun and I invited these guests and I'm glad they're here but at this point I want them to feel at home, settle in, grab a snack, take a nap if they need to but don't ask me, don't check in and don't ask if it's okay. I...

I couldn't have it anymore; the success offered by the world. The cost had become too great. A literal bloody infant had become the price, my own, an ancient ritual of child sacrifice to the gods' of success. That was the new cost offered to me. And I wasn't willing to pay it. They laughed at me, the gods, as they watched me accept, internalize and believe that I had doomed myself forever to mediocrity by denying their demand for my daughter. I believed them for too long, their laughter often...

I forgive you, For loving your garden, But not noticing I was red. You mulched and watered, Weeded and trimmed, Busy, always busy down the stone paths. I saw it. But I wanted you to stop, And look specifically at me. I had five petals, Two up, three down, Twelve maroon polka dots scattered on the scarlet. I turned my face to follow the sun Across the sky. I watched for you to notice that. My stem was pale spring green. My leaves, long and streaked, With forest green and a hint of jade. I...