Sacrifice

I couldn't have it anymore; the success offered by the world. The cost had become too great. A literal bloody infant had become the price, my own, an ancient ritual of child sacrifice to the gods' of success. That was the new cost offered to me. And I wasn't willing to pay it.

They laughed at me, the gods, as they watched me accept, internalize and believe that I had doomed myself forever to mediocrity by denying their demand for my daughter. I believed them for too long, their laughter often ringing in my ears.

"We need your time, your effort, your energy, your passion, your focus, your determination. You have to stay the course even when difficult, even through sleepless nights and work to sustain you during your quest that you don't enjoy."

I was willing. I was there. I was earning my place, my position, so I thought.

But then they demanded too much. They asked for blood, for human sacrifice, and I refused to toe the line.

(My daughter, inside and out.)

There are some who have paid it. Celebrities and journalists have alluded to their achievements only being possible due to the power of choice. Others have been willing but thankfully never faced with that final deciding moment of if they follow through, if their own unchanged dreams are worth it.

Many never face the ultimate sacrifice but offer many items of value instead: their marriages, their friendships, their health, their rest, their peace of mind, their freedom, their joy.

How much have you sacrificed on your quest? Why? What drives you? If you've been going strong for twenty years in your pursuit of what the world defines as success but you're growing distant from your spouse, barely know your children and are losing your health, is it worth it?

Be careful with the decisions you make. Step back occasionally and analyze. The gradualness of the sacrifice may have crept up on you and you don't even realize you're making it.

Is your blood pressure high from genetics? Or is it stress-related from your job. Is your mental health decline inevitable? Or have you pushed yourself too far for too long. Consider everything you're sacrificing right now for whatever your definition of success is. If you agree with what you're giving up and are willing to rise earlier or stay at work longer or commit more of your mental energy because it's worth it to you, and the sacrifices are worthy of the gains, by all means, continue.

But like me, when murdering my unborn daughter was the only path to continue the exact plan I was following at the time, maybe you've reached sacrifices that are also untenable, but yours were less abrupt and you've never realized you're making them.

My vision of success is different now; my journey filled with twists and turns. But when I reach it, a vision of what I define as success, I will have reached it sustainably, healthily and in a way that doesn't sacrifice my values to arrive.

Are you there? Are you still climbing? Are you proud of the way you're proceeding? I beg you to stop and consider what you're sacrificing for your success.

Make sure it's truly worth the trade.

(If you enjoyed this, please read my other posts! I always welcome feedback and questions. Much love to you all.)

Lydia Beth Bracken